I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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