I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
