id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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