Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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