She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
