new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
