Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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