Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
