Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
