i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
