Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize