do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
love makes seman taste better
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
