it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
