if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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