I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
