Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
