my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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