a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
