I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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