take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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