I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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