my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
