His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
