I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
