And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize