I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I smell like Dick and happiness
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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