i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
