I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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