I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
