Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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