she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
