so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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