I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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