I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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