Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
