You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
