Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
