I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
