you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
