i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
