If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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