im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
