we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
