The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
