I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
my being single is dangerous.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
