there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
