Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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