Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
