At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You can't just leave with hair like that
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
try to milk me bitch
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