Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
