no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
