College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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