Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
