No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Quick, to the slutcave!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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