Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
