The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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