im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
